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| Monday, April 26, 2004 |
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Sometimes it's so hard to walk alone
Just alone, walk through the empty dark street
Some people may walk beside me, but I still feel empty
Some cars may stop and offering to drive me home, but I still walking by my own
Many lights may look so bright in the street, but I still feel scared
Maybe, just maybe..I'm waiting for someone
Someone who might colouring my way
Someone who would walking and holding me back home
Someone who could make me smile
But, I know I'm just hoping and keep walking, alone
I can't feel anything
I just feel so lonely
Gosh, it's seems so far away to go home when I'm walking alone. |
me at 7:47 PM
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| Sunday, April 18, 2004 |
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Lately, there are so many pasts that came up to my mind. Not only, my own pasts, but also other's pasts. I know, it's past...so it's means doesn't exist anymore. But, still...for me, past is part of the story itself.
Everybody has a past, and they deserve to keep it or forget it. Sometime, people prefer to keep it, because it had so many great and unforgetable moments. Moments that you wouldn't trade it with anything in this world. But, some people more likely to try to forget it. It must be something really bad or they just wanna to move on with their life. So, it's depend with each personality and different type of pasts.
For me, I like to keep my past in my life. Not because I want it back, but it's remains me how far I've been gone with my life. Do I change a lot? Do I have a better character? Or do I keep doing the same mistakes like before?
Most of my pasts aren't really good one. It's more about broken heart, disappointed, rejection, and all of sort kind of the other bitterness. But, I would never forget it, because when I remember my pasts, I remember what I used to be. And I feel so happy with all I have now. I changed a lot, not the same girl that my dad used to hold.
I'm grown up now. I have my own plan and dignity. People may say I'm a bitch or loser, but..to be honest, do we have to be the same just to make everybody happy? Do we have to hold our life improvement and progress just to make us look pure outside but not inside? Just look at yourself in the mirror, and tell me how many masks that you have to wear to covering "the real you".
This is only one little thought that I want to share to everybody. Just about past, and you may change your future. Don't forget your past, don't you get rid of them, but keep it as the treasure of your life. If you have love past, remember it. That there are used to be some people who filled our days with loves, and maybe pains. But, that's the whole points. Because, our vision wouldn't that clear without washing by tears first.
Have a nice day...Everybody |
me at 1:19 PM
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| Tuesday, April 13, 2004 |
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..MY LONG WEEKEND..
This weekend was so great. I already have my 2 weeks holiday and Duncan had days off since Friday to Tuesday. Ok, I better start telling you about my weekend. Friday..I went fishing with Dunc and his mate,Garreth. Woo...it was great.We left home about 6 am, drove to Garreth's house then we went to catch the fish. Nothing much after the fishing, just back to the bed. Had few drink with Dunc and back home after that. I was felt like shit though, the alcohol took too much control of my patience. Saturday, it was better. I went to Carolina's birthday in City with Dunc. It was okay, I guess. Then, after dinner, we supposed to clubbing in Twister, but Carolina and others don't have a proper ID to get in. That's was so annoying, we all old enough to get drunk but of course, the security has more power to choose who can get in and who's not. So, anyway...we decided back to Carolina's favourite pub, Esplanade Hotel, which is pretty close with Twister. Me and Dunc back home about 12 and went to bed straight away. So tired and wasn't drunk enough. Then, Sunday, me and Dunc went to his beach house. His friend,Adam, came down about 9 pm and stayed there one nite. Basically, we just drink...drink...laugh..and drink again,hahhahaha.
I just back home from the beach house about an hour ago. Pretty tired, but I'm so happy. Finally, we can spent few days together without any big fight. Good on us!!!
My home is so quiet, my housemate is on Gold Coast now. He'll be back on Thursday, so I have the place for myself for another 2 day, which is good. Anyway, I gotta go. Need to call my sis. So, how's your weekend,Guys? |
me at 3:09 PM
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| Wednesday, April 7, 2004 |
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I have nothing to share at the moment, but I got this silly questions from someone's website. I'm still sick today, need more rest. Ok..let me start answering the questions.
ABOUT ME
Full Name --> Feby Maharani
Birthday --> 2 Feb,80
Current Location --> Melbourne
Eye Color --> Brown
Hair Color --> Dark Brown
Righty or Lefty --> Right
Zodiac Sign --> Aquarius
Innie or Outtie --> Innie
Single or Taken --> Taken
MY FAVOURITE
Music --> R n B, disco, rock...anything
Cartoon --> The Simpson
Color --> Blue and Black
Slushy Flavor -->uh, I dont know
Magazine(s) --> Cleo, Cosmopolitan
TV Show --> anything is funny
Song at moment --> F**k it
Language --> English and Indonesian
Food & Beverage --> Noodle
Subject in School --> Art and Music
Ice Cream Flavor --> I love every flavours
Roller Coaster --> dont have one
WHAT IS
Your most overused phrase on msn --> ok
The last image/thought you go to sleep with --> my bf
The first feature you notice in the opposite sex --> smile
The Best Name for a Butler -->Bitch.
The wussiest sport --> Don't know
Your best feature --> Well, maybe my smile :)
Your bedtime --> Over midnight
Your greatest fear -->Alone
Your greatest accomplishment --> I can't remember
Your most missed memory --> My Girl Talk's gank
I'M PREFER
Pepsi or coke --> Coke
McDonald's or Burger King --> McD
Adidas or nike -->Nike
Chicken nuggets or chicken fingers --> Chicken nuggets
Dogs or cats --> Cats
Rugrats or doug --> Rugrats
Being Single or taken --> Depends
Tupac or Jay-Z --> Pass
Lipton Ice Tea or Nestea --> Lipton Ice Tea
One pillow or two --> Two
Chocolate or vanilla --> Chocolate
Hot chocolate or hot cocoa --> What's the different?
Cappuccino or coffee --> Cappuccino
Boxers or briefs? -->Briefs
AM I
Take a shower everyday -->Yes
Have a(any) crush(es) --> Yes, my bf
Like to cuddle -->Oh yeah
Want to go to college--> I am in one now
Want to get married --> One day
Type with your fingers on the right keys-->Yes
Believe in yourself--> Not all the time
Drink--> Depend with my mood
Drugs-->NO
Smoke--> Yes
Have any tattoos/where--> No
Have any piercings--> Yes
Get motion sickness-->Yes
Think you're a health freak--> Maybe
Get along with your parents--> Kinda
Like thunderstorms--> No
MY FUTURE
Age you hope to be married--> maybe 26-27
Names of Children--> Never thought about it yet
Where do you see yourself at age 30--> Working hard
Descibe your Dream Wedding--> Doesn't matter,as long as I marry with someone I really love
How do you want to die--> Die on someone I love's arms... huahahhaha
What do you want to be when you grow up-->Hahhaa, I am grown up now. Anyway, Creative Director maybe
Where would you most like to visit --> London
OPPOSITE SEX
Best eye color--> Doesn't matter
Best hair color-->Don't care
Short or long hair--> Short of course
Best height-->Taller then me
Best weight--> Bigger than me, but not too big
Best articles of clothing--> Nice top and pants..
WHO THE LAST PERSON I
Hugged--> My Bf
Kissed--> My Bf
Talked to online --> My Bf
Talked to in person --> My housemate, Fajar
Yelled at--> My friend at school..hehhehe
Held hands with--> My Bf
OTHER
When's the last time you slept with a stuffed animal--> Can't remember
How many rings until you answer the phone--> Until I got it
What's on your mouse pad--? My Mac mouse
How many houses have you lived in-->Can't count it, too much
Apartments-->2-3
How many schools have you gone to--> about 9
What color is your bedroom carpet--> Light brown, I think
Would you shave your head for $5,000--> No way
If u were stranded on a desert island and u could only take one person one record and one outfit what would they be?
--> My Bf for sure, and I'll wear my comfy cloths
What was the best time of your life so far--> When I was in high school |
me at 12:01 PM
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| Saturday, April 3, 2004 |
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Have you ever feel so sick of fighting? Argue and yell to telling your point to someone else. So tired to listen to your heart screaming that you have to stand for what you think is right. But, sometime..think is right for you but not to other people. Something that is important for you, doesn't always be an important thing for others. But, if you keep quiet is wrong aswell, so which one is right?
I feel so sick of my anger and jealousy thing at the moment. It's so annoying when those two feelings start jumping around to your head and force you to let them to be heard. I kinda doing some kind of treatment for myself. It's not heal me straight away, but I'm on the way to that. I thought, I'm stronger than that but actually I'm not. Last Friday, I was on top of my anger condition. I was really really upset. First, I had fight with Duncan in the morning, then I almost I lost my mobile, my assignment that has to be hand in yesterday been corrupted, and I kinda got lost when came down for lunch to Duncan's office. All those things then lead me to the other fighting with him. I'm too upset to talk, so I just be quiet and speak no words.
When I back home from school, I felt so tired and my head still spinning like a bloody discolight. I was lying on my bed and tried so hard to forget everything that happen that day. Come on, it wasn't that bad but why it was so difficult to handle. I went out with my housmate, Fajar, then Duncan sent me an sms. We kept reply the sms and I felt so bad. I miss him badly but I can't meet him cause he has things to do with his army activities this weekend. So, yeah...nothing I can do much basically. Just try to calm myself down. Now, feel much much better, but I start thinking to do something with myself. Those anger and stupidity has to be gone from my life. Stop thinking that I will losing my precious things if I do something bad. Stop thinking I will end up alone if I'm not good enough. Stop thinking I will lose my love if I don't try harder to be better person for him. Stop punishing and try to enjoying myself. I have to put more confidence to myself that I will be okay eventhough I'm alone. Those aggresive moods will make me lose everything. So, I have to stop it before I really lose everything.
I have to believe that if I love someone, I have to let him free. Let him fly and if he's back to me, so he's mine. Everybody has a choice and deserve to get better,right. So, stop force everything working on my way. If it's not working, it's not my fault, but it's mean something better will come on my way, soon or later. Take care, Guys. Enjoy your weekend... |
me at 9:30 AM
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